Behave.
Come in.
Good morning. So?
Forget it.
- What happened? - Nothing at all.
Nothing and everything are Iinked.
Tell me about this "Nothing."
Everything. I've done everything. I can't do any more.
I even took him to the park untiI 3:00 a.m.
I was naked. I caught coId.
I kept saying, "No one can hear us!
Anyone could take advantage of me!"
I f eII with my Iegs wide open.
I went f or a dip in the f ountain.
I pranced around naked, picking fIowers.
In short, I shoved my ass in his f ace aII night Iong.
Fascinating. And what did he say?
What did he say? You can hear what he said.
The shares of the Canadian dollar...
mustn't f all below the 0.6%mark.
Panic on Wall Street and at the Bundesbank.
Shareholders are selling out.
I'm confused. Maybe I went about it wrong.
No, on the contrary!
We should celebrate. We're almost there.
Why? He's done nothing strange.
Do you know what we call this "nothing strange"?
"Preurgic cathartic apathy."
It's that moment of Iow pressure...
bef ore an intensely violent hurricane.
Now your mission is getting risky.
If I couId see him, touch him...
I'd teII you the day, the hour and the minute he'II expIode.
I'm very worried.
Now we have to try something very dangerous.
It wiII heIp to protect you too.
I have to examine him.
Vascular tension of the medignonomus...
blood pressure, ocular pressure, DNA...
R.O.S., height, size, weight, reflexes!
We don't have a minute to Iose.
Help me meet him as soon as possible.
Tell him I'm a tailor--
a friend of yours-- and I want to make him a suit.
He mustn't suspect I'm a doctor.
The attached...
invoice--
Respectfully yours...
The President of Vice.
The vice president.
Class dismissed.
Prof essor, if you only knew...
how important this exam is f or me.
It's tomorrow, and I have to pass it.
Just think-- assistant manager...
of the Huan-Chai-Hung Import-Export Company.
- Hong Kong, Shanghai, ItaIy-- - Assistant manager. SIow down.
First I have to pass. When you work f or the Chinese--
you move up quickly.
Thanks.
It's my Lao-tzu vase, a good-Iuck charm.
- Take it to the exam. - Thanks.
I'II give it back.
I better go. So Iong.
Thanks again.
I think I'm weII-prepared. I've got to pass.
Thanks. I've been meaning to ask you--
What does that say?
Welcome.
I thought so, but since it's worn out--
So I'II see you at the exam.
- Are they nice? - Yes. Husband and wif e.
She's somewhat fragile. He's a great tailor.
One of the best in the world.
- What about dinner? - We have to go shopping.
The workmen are outside. What should we do?
- Shit, it broke again! - It happened to me too.
Hold it. I'll fix it.
I'II jam a screwdriver in there.
Jessica, I f eeI happy today.
Know what? Fuck them all.
Today we'II use the main door.
Get down and f ollow me. Do what I do.
- Have a nice walk. - Thank you.
- Is she your wif e? - Yes, she is.
- Pleased to meet you. - The pleasure's mine.
Are you planning on having children?
- Children? We'll see. - Soon.
The weather's changed. It's cIoudy.
This is as f ar as I go. My car's in here.
- Good-bye. - Have a nice walk.
Wave good-bye.
- Who was that? - It's too compIicated.
- What's going on? - Let's go. Stand up.
The alarm's broken.
These are f or you.
They're gorgeous.
Stunning! Turn to the Ieft.
- What time is your tailor coming? - 9:00.
Paride, I want to go back home.
Eighteen! He's killed eighteen!
- Go alone. - No. It's too dangerous.
If he reaIizes I'm a psychiatrist--
We have to act naturaI.
There's no danger. It's just an ordinary dinner.
Smile. Compliment him. Look him in the eye.
Jolanda!
- Take these. - You gave me two bef ore.
Take another two.
No, three.
We're a IittIe earIy, but it's better.
Smile.
- Paride! - This is my wif e.
That's enough. Come on.
We're so pleased to be here.
This is Jessica. Look, she's relaxed.
- Where is he? - In the kitchen, cutting the steaks.
Come in.
I have to pee.
My wif e needs to use the bathroom.
Follow me.
The first door on the right.
- Where can we talk? - In my room.
There's a problem.
I need a bIood test...
a neurosomatic checkup, an R.K.S. scintigraphy--
Paride?
Is that you, Jessica?
I'm sorry, honey. SwaIIow these.
Down the hatch. Good girI. CaIm down.
You have to get the door fixed.
It's not the door.
When I opened it her eyes were so huge...
she scared me shitless!
Women! Everything's fine. She'II be out soon.
I'm going on the terrace.
We got here a IittIe earIy.
To be precise...
26 minutes early.
That's rush hour f or you.
In a way, it's better.
It's better to arrive earIy first than Iate Iast.
May I?
- Come and have a drink. - Yes, let's have one.
I want to apoIogize about your wif e. I'm sorry.
There's no need to apologize.
Look what we've prepared. One, two, three!
Pretty, isn't it?
We blew a fuse.
I'II be right back.
- He may catch on. - It's impressive.
His H.B.S. is almost 73.
His seminaceous glands are bursting. His eyes are hypervascular.
As I suspected, he's on the brink. You've done a good job.
It's me. May I come in?
Remember me?
It's me again.
I've come to apoIogize f or bef ore. I'm sorry.
Forgive me. These dinners get me worked up.
I'm a bit nervous, so--
If you're f eeIing better, I'm ready.
I've taken care of your husband and Jessica on the terrace.
There's only you left.
Take it easy. You don't have to come yet.
We've got plenty of time.
The night is young.
We'II have a baII Iater.
I apoIogize again f or bef ore.
Here I come.
Sorry.
I have a question f or you.
There are three doors-- a closed white door...
an open red door, a half-open brown one.
- Which would you choose? - That's easy. The red one's open.
- Choose a ball. - This one is nearest.
One more thing.
There are three cows. No, f orget that one.
You come home and find your wif e Iying on the fIoor.
One, she's dead.
Two, she's f ainted. Three, she's playing.
What do you think?
She's dead. I'II turn the oven off.
Have I won? What is this game?
Terrifying.
You're up! What are you doing?
Nothing. Just stretching my Iegs.
I wasn't running away.
Running away?
I need some fresh air.
I need to--
- May I? - Of course.
Thank you.
If you need any heIp--
I'm coming! I'm coming!
Calm down! Don't move!
No! I don't want to!
The blinds!
Turn the music off!
- What happened? - I was getting some air...
and he grabbed me from behind with an enormous, huge thing!
Calm down.
Don't worry. It's happened to me too.
- The window's broken. - What happened?
The window. The blind.
She stuck her head out f or air and the blind f ell on her.
She scared me stiff.
Did you hear? It was an accident. It wasn't his f auIt.
No, he wanted to-- with an enormous thing.
He tore my dress.
If you want to change, the cIoset is fuII.
You can choose whatever you want.
I want to go home.
Relax. It was an accident.
He grabbed me from behind.
I saw him. It was an accident.
We have to get someone on the double...
to repair that blind.
A IittIe more.
That's better. Drink up.
You'II f eeI much better.
It's burning hot. It's going to be deIicious.
In China it's caIIed...
Turtle pie, but I used potatoes instead. Same thing.
I can't eat much. Just a Iight meaI.
I have a Chinese exam tomorrow.
- AII right. - Thanks, Paride!
You know I can't refuse you anything.
Did you hear? Paride's making you a suit.
Do exactly what I tell you.
I'm a stickIer f or absoIute precision.
I don't use meters, I use miIIimeters.
Modern tailors make me laugh. They're rag merchants.
I have to know my customers inside out.
A suit describes the man who wears it--
his hopes, illusions, dreams.
Lift your Ieg, bend it-- No, just one.
Don't budge.
Stand on this.
Look up.
You can get down.
Now I'II measure your neck f or the tie.
I'II measure your throat eIasticity f or the knot. Say "ahh."
16-4. Don't move!
Let's check the sleeve f or the lower f orearm.
You mustn't fidget.
I toId you to keep stiII.
It's a disinf ecting sIide.
Hold your arms up.
Eyes to the ceiling.
Arms in the air. Holy shit!
Stay Iike that.
Finished!
What a great tailor. Really precise. Thanks.
That's only the sleeve. We've only just begun.
Now we measure your hips and calves.
Get undressed.
In front of everybody? You're kidding!
You're right. Let's go to your room.
No. I can waIk.
My bag.
- Lead the way. - Bye, Jessica.
- What do I have to do? - Cough.
Hold your breath.
Now breathe.
- We've got the shoes, now the hat. - I don't wear hats.
A suit without a hat is Iike an EngIishman without an umbreIIa.
I need the tape measure.
- Is it heavy? - Sort of. I never wear hats!
Think of your mother.
It tickIes!
Jessica, we're doing the hat now.
Don't turn around. Don't move.
I've nearIy finished.
Modern designers are rag merchants.
Now this may hurt, but it won't take Iong.
Lie down here.
Quick, Loris! Something's burning in the kitchen.
- Do you mind? - What about the scarf?
- I have to go. - What a shame.
- What's burning? - Nothing. Everything's fine.
Paride is going too f ar. Sometimes he's overly precise.
Thanks. He may be precise, but also a little wacky.
To measure me f or gloves, he asked what I dream about...
and if I ever saw my parents making Iove.
- What are these? - What?
That was to measure me f or... suspenders.
He is really very precise. I'll wash up and be right back.
Come here!
You think things are normaI here? Look!
- What is it? - Read what's on it.
"BashfuI."
Don't you see?
A dwarf in the wardrobe!
Snow White and the Seven Dwarf s!
Snow White.
Fairy tales. I have to think about that.
The test results are going to blow me away!
Where are you going?
Did you hurt yourself?
Come back in.
My bag!
She put this dress on, then it f ell off.
She was naked, she panicked and screamed.
Here on the stairs!
I'm sorry, but your wif e--
She's that way.
When she decides it's Iate, there's no stopping her.
- She was screaming! - That's her way of saying good- bye.
She's just cheerfuI.
Good-bye. The meaI was deIicious.
NormaI?
I'm coming! Wait f or me, darIing!
I don't think I'II get that suit now.
What's your name?
How Iong do these exams Iast?
It depends on how it goes. He just went in.
The Ionger he stays in there, the better because--
What region are these Chinese from?
I couIdn't understand a word.
What did they ask you?
How do I know? I didn't catch a word. Are they Chinese?
They're Chinese, Loris.
So you flunked it. I told you it wasn't easy.
- We can try again. - No, thanks.
I'II miss our Iessons. They were fun.
This is yours.
My Lao-tzu, a good-Iuck charm. But it wasn't much use.
So Iong then. I'm sorry.
Were the questions very difficult?
Extremely difficult!
They asked me one. I didn't understand a word.
Maybe it was a dialect, but I don't think they were Chinese.
"Job offer." Listen to this.
"President of thriving company.
Three months' holiday pay.
Knowledge of Scandinavian languages required."
How many Scandinavian Ianguages are there? They aII sound the same.
I'd Iook f or something eIse.
- I f ound the answer. - To what?
BashfuI.
I didn't sIeep a wink Iast night. How is he?
- NormaI. - NormaI. I might have guessed.
I spent the night rereading EndeIsson's Iatest essay.
"Ghosts and Fairy Tales in Contemporary Rape:
from the Three Little Pigs to the Monster of Rostov."
Here's the solution-- a Little Red Riding Hood costume.
- Put it on and you'II understand. - No. I've had enough.
You don't have a choice.
The chief of police orders you to wear this...
and keep your gun handy.
The urge will be immediate and devastating.
Put it on and you'II see.
Read the instructions first.
Good Iuck.
I f ound it! Listen to this.
"Vice president-- "
No. I don't Iike the "vice" part.
Who could that be?
- Who is it? - It's me, the manager.
What do you want?
There's a Iady with me, to see the apartment.
Jessica--
Yes, I'm coming.
I'm very sick. Haven't you heard?
What are you talking about?
I'm sick. I've got--
I'm very sick.
It's a very contagious disease.
Stop acting stupid. Open the door!
Good morning. What a pretty baby.
Come in. Let me touch her.
I'II come back another time. I'm busy.
I reaIIy have to go.
No, wait!
Look what's happened to me.
When I woke up this morning...
my f ace was covered with this.
What virus is it? No one knows.
You're a bastard. You'II pay f or this one day!
Elevator!
Jessica, that was the manager.
It was the manager.
Can I come in?
If the manager sees you, he'II put you in the garden.
Where are you going?
To visit my sick grandmother.
And these suitcases? What's going on, Jessica?
I have to go away.
Don't ask me where, how, when or why.
I have to Ieave you.
- Don't ask me anything. - But how? Why?
You always do that! I tell you not to ask, then you do!
You never Iisten to me!
I come in windows, screwdrivers f aII on me...
and I crawI out buiIdings!
- I'd get evicted-- - You shouId be!
Hide here, hide there! This is no apartment, it's a video game!
Then you wake me up with coff ee in the morning!
I'II have a nervous breakdown!
Enough! I'II send someone f or my bags tomorrow.
Don't open your mouth. Don't try to stop me.
- But, Jessica-- - You see?
You don't Iisten to a word I say!
Stay there and shut up. I'm Ieaving!
And these are mine!
Dear Jessica, I'II Ieave this cassette in your suitcase.
I must admit you've been a IittIe--
just a IittIe-- rude concerning yours truIy.
Our contract f or the rent ends here.
Many thanks. Yours respectfully.
Dear Jessica, I'II Ieave this cassette in your suitcase.
I must admit you've been a IittIe--
just a IittIe-- rude concerning yours truIy.
Our contract f or the rent ends here.
Many thanks. Yours respectfully.
When you hear this cassette, I'II be gone.
It's 3:00 a.m. and very siIent outside. I can't sIeep.
I went into your room. You were asIeep.
How can you sleep without a pillow?
Loris, you can't imagine how much I--
You've ruined everything!
The mouse nibbles and the cheese runs out.
I'm convinced you're making a mistake.
We had him where we wanted him!
What's got into you? You could have stopped a series of terrible crimes.
- Prof essor, you saw him. - So did my wif e.
But, Prof essor--
It's no use. That monster's won her over.
How did he react when you said you were Ieaving?
He Iooked sorry. A IittIe surprised. Otherwise normaI.
NormaI! NormaI, right!
Yes. Slow down. I can't hear a word.
What? Where? Half an hour ago? In broad daylight?
He's killed again. Same details, same area.
Arrest that Loris straight away. Go to his apartment.
Let everyone know.
Call the papers, the TV studios. Distribute the film.
Come with me, Prof essor.
You'II have this on your conscience f or the rest of your Iif e!
It's not possibIe.
Is he reaIIy scary?
Scary is too nice a word.
He's arrogant, hystericaI. Never pays his biIIs.
We'II get him ourseIves...
and carve him up Iike he did with the Iadies.
Bring back the death penalty!
Police. Make way.
Is it true he Iocked himseIf in?
What's going on here?
I don't know. I just got here. A woman was kiIIed.
- A woman was killed? - Twenty, you mean.
Twenty? In this buiIding?
Yes. The murderer kept a dwarf in his closet.
- He tortured it. - Who did?
The monster. The one who chops women up.
They caught him.
The monster? The one who chops up women?
- Did he Iive here? - It seems so.
Who is it? The manager?
- I don't know. Maybe. - It must be the manager.
It's him!
Let's go! He's dangerous!
It's him!
- The monster! - Me?
We're your friends.
Everything's fine.
The monster? Me, the monster?
Quiet! Where is he?
He disappeared. How?
He went that way!
There he is!
What's happening? This racket, police sirens--
Isn't he the one who owes us money?
The dead man in the telegram? The clock? That Loris?
Excuse me.
Stay there.
The antique dealer!
Stop, thief!
You owe me 1.2 million lira!
I'II squeeze it out of you!
How much does he owe you?
I can't beIieve it!
Look how many people he swindled! The thief!
Prof essor?
I rang, but no one answered.
I took the Iiberty of coming through the window.
It's me, Prof essor.
Don't be afraid.
Prof essor, are you there?
Hi, Jessica.
What a mess. It's revoIting.
We haven't f ound all the body parts.
Prof essor?
Prof essor, I'm here.
It's Loris.
I studied Chinese with you.
I came through the window.
Don't be afraid. It's me.
Perhaps you haven't heard about that monster in the area...
who chops women to pieces.
It's me. WeII, it's not me...
but they think it's me.
Me, the monster!
Me, that monster who does--
How could they-- Help me!
You could be a good alibi.
If they ask you, "Have you seen the monster?" say no.
They've been chasing me all day.
The police are after me. Everyone in my building. Strangers.
Me, the monster? How could they think that?
A policeman with his gun pointed--
he made me-- all day long--
"July 29"? It's sour. Be careful.
They made me-- all day long--
I got home and didn't reaIize.
I got home, aII reIaxed.
I didn't know about it-- "the monster"!
They began to shout "monster" at me.
It's just Iike me, seeing someone Iike you, aII sweaty...
with a IittIe mud, a f ew red stains--
Can't I have a stain? And shouting, "He's the monster"...
because he has a...
a red stain, sour milk...
a hand in his coat.
Is everyone a monster then?
Can't I go out with a woman's hand...
in my--
Prof essor, I'II say good-bye now.
It's Iate. I was just passing by.
You're in good shape.
I'd give you a hand, but I see you aIready have one.
The temperature's dropped.
It was chiIIy on my way here.
Take it easy, Prof essor.
Take it easy!
Upstairs, on the Ieft.
Stop! Don't move! Quiet!
Hands on your head, both of you!
Quiet!
Come on, quiet! Relax!
Come out slowly.
Come on. Relax.
Slowly.
Take it easy.
Relax.
Shut up!
That's not him.
- The prof essor's at home. - Is he armed?
No. He's in a sorry state. He's sick.
Get him out of here.
Hello, Prof essor. How are you?
Not too good.
Come outside.
Just a minute!
Absolutely terrifying. Get in.
I'II come too.
Listen.
There are three camels-- a red one with a hump...
a yellow one with three humps, a black one with no hump.
Watch my Iips. There are three cameIs--
Are you sure the manager had nothing to do with this?
- Who? - The ma--
Forget it. It's not possibIe.
Tell me. If I had given you one of those slurpy kisses...
would you have shot me?
It depends on how you did it.
It's incredibIe. I don't understand--
You have to explain it to me.
When you bent down to pick those things up...
if I'd grabbed you, wouId you have shot me?
I don't know.
- If I-- - If you what?
If I--
For example, if I--
Or I won't get this straight.
If I-- Stop. Did this to you--
If I did this to you--
Good evening.
Sorry to disturb you, but I need my car.
- Sorry. - No, I'm sorry.
- Have a nice walk. - Thank you.